clarifications.
I guess I just wanted to clarify why I feel the world hates Christians.
I could probably go on forever, but basically it comes down to that we say Christ is all about love and then we fail miserably at "love thy neighbor" - due to what I feel is a great number of Christians morphing that command into "judge thy neighbor." I feel that when Christians portray that kind of attitude, they give a terrible idea to people about who God is. I think that God being really alive in someone's life would lead to them being a lover of all types of people, not just the ones they agree with. I come from a family that is very judgmental and I try so hard to not become that way [although when I was typing up my post, I was really really pissed. My mom had basically told me I should be careful to not be on the same path to hell as the gays.. I was pretty angry!]. Just the other day I was commenting to my brother's gf how much I loved Brokeback Mountain, and my mom was in the room and she and my brother made some disgusting comments about what they *didn't* want to see in the movie. I told them it was a ridiculous reason to not see what I feel was a cinematic masterpiece [though plenty, I'm sure, might disagree] and my Mom said the only ridiculous thing is gay relationships. And I find that type of attitude explains pretty well why, when I tell people I go to church and/or am a Christian, I get disgusted, disapproving, shocked looks. I asked one girl at school (from math class) why she was so surprised when I told her I'm "religious" and she told me, "You just don't seem like one of THEM." I was thinking she meant I seemed heathen or something so I asked her to clarify [because I was pretty mortified at the thought] and she told me I wasn't going around telling everyone how wrong they are all the time. I honestly think that is the majority view of Christians, at least locally in the States, and it's not without reason. Many of the gay couples I've met at my ex's church have literally been pushed out of churches and/or told that they were welcome if they were willing to "be healed" of their sinful nature. I think if people like my Mom were to meet, get to know, and really hear the testimony of the homosexuals I have, she would see that her attitudes toward "them" (and many/most Christians) are destructive and generally just against what God would want. I don't feel everyone has to accept homosexuality but to ridicule or alienate gays.. well, that's beyond generally disagreeing with the lifestyle. I dunno. That's my two (or three?) cents. I don't think the world should hate Christians; I just know that, in my experiences, when I reveal my beliefs, I am met with a prevalently negative reactions.
I don't mean to be so passionate.. it's just that lately my view of the church in general has become very cynical. I'll be at a sermon about preaching God's love, and in the same sermon, the pastor will promote their "God can make those silly, confused gays straight!" healing program. I just can't reconcile it. I know that nobody is perfect. God, I know I'm not. I realize that most people only love the people that are easy to love - and that differs for everyone. I know in my heart of hearts that I have a definite prejudice towards extremely poor, and mostly ethnic (I'll admit!), people who keep having baby after baby and getting more and more money from the government for it. And this is me being VERY honest (and hoping ya'll won't think I'm a racist): Perhaps all these years of hearing come-ons yelled from the open windows of local men of Mexican descent has made me slightly prejudged towards that particular group as well. I'd like to think I am just being careful when I take my pit bull if I'm walking two blocks East of here, and as I try not to look too long at the groups of mostly Mexican men sitting on their porches eyeing me.. I know I should not label them, and I know if I do, it's out of fear. Fear from the perceived notions I have due to actions or words said/done to me in the past. But also, I'm not stupid. I know when people are flashing gang signs. They could all be the color of smurf blue and I would be just as leery of walking alone after dark with the behavior I've seen. Plus, I know when I'm being looked at like a piece of ass. Of course it's not just that particular ethnic group that looks at me like that, but I've had experiences in this neighborhood that cause me to be leery of "them". I'm willing to admit I'm far from perfect, but I am not blind to my prejudice and I'm not tolerant of my own ignorance either. If there is an unkind attitude in me toward any group that doesn't deserve it (we'll leave out people that call themselves Christians that do things like picket abortion clinics or kill abortion doctors... kill sex offenders after looking at the sex offender website.. extremists like that I have every right to be righteously angry with because they give a very distorted view of the God that I love), well, I pray that God will help me change it.
Honestly, I am finding that I am beginning to absolutely love people that are different from me. I can't get enough of other people's stories. It was so wonderful working in the counseling center and getting to be a contact person for the campus' international students. Melissa before maybe age 19 wouldn't have cared at all, because as far as I was concerned, there's not enough room in the US for Americans, much less immigrants, thanks to that belief being practically beaten into me by my dad and *especially* my grandfather. Whoa, hilariously, something on immigration just came on Fox News, which I am forced to hear often due to my dad being half-deaf and listening to it in the next room all day. Anyway, now I want to make sure whatever school I go to has a good number of international students, and if I ever do choose to go into college counseling (rather than teaching Psychology at school), I would want to be an international student counselor or advocate. At work, I found myself paging through the Latino magazine Arturo would bring in, and reading newsletters about the Muslim organization on campus.. things I never would have done until the past year or two. I am just glad to finally see some positive change in my life and my heart. It reaffirms that God is still working and God can put people in my/others paths that have the ability to change my heart and my attitudes.
Ok, seriously, I'm done ranting now. I just have to have somewhere to vent and such. Xoxo to anyone reading!
I could probably go on forever, but basically it comes down to that we say Christ is all about love and then we fail miserably at "love thy neighbor" - due to what I feel is a great number of Christians morphing that command into "judge thy neighbor." I feel that when Christians portray that kind of attitude, they give a terrible idea to people about who God is. I think that God being really alive in someone's life would lead to them being a lover of all types of people, not just the ones they agree with. I come from a family that is very judgmental and I try so hard to not become that way [although when I was typing up my post, I was really really pissed. My mom had basically told me I should be careful to not be on the same path to hell as the gays.. I was pretty angry!]. Just the other day I was commenting to my brother's gf how much I loved Brokeback Mountain, and my mom was in the room and she and my brother made some disgusting comments about what they *didn't* want to see in the movie. I told them it was a ridiculous reason to not see what I feel was a cinematic masterpiece [though plenty, I'm sure, might disagree] and my Mom said the only ridiculous thing is gay relationships. And I find that type of attitude explains pretty well why, when I tell people I go to church and/or am a Christian, I get disgusted, disapproving, shocked looks. I asked one girl at school (from math class) why she was so surprised when I told her I'm "religious" and she told me, "You just don't seem like one of THEM." I was thinking she meant I seemed heathen or something so I asked her to clarify [because I was pretty mortified at the thought] and she told me I wasn't going around telling everyone how wrong they are all the time. I honestly think that is the majority view of Christians, at least locally in the States, and it's not without reason. Many of the gay couples I've met at my ex's church have literally been pushed out of churches and/or told that they were welcome if they were willing to "be healed" of their sinful nature. I think if people like my Mom were to meet, get to know, and really hear the testimony of the homosexuals I have, she would see that her attitudes toward "them" (and many/most Christians) are destructive and generally just against what God would want. I don't feel everyone has to accept homosexuality but to ridicule or alienate gays.. well, that's beyond generally disagreeing with the lifestyle. I dunno. That's my two (or three?) cents. I don't think the world should hate Christians; I just know that, in my experiences, when I reveal my beliefs, I am met with a prevalently negative reactions.
I don't mean to be so passionate.. it's just that lately my view of the church in general has become very cynical. I'll be at a sermon about preaching God's love, and in the same sermon, the pastor will promote their "God can make those silly, confused gays straight!" healing program. I just can't reconcile it. I know that nobody is perfect. God, I know I'm not. I realize that most people only love the people that are easy to love - and that differs for everyone. I know in my heart of hearts that I have a definite prejudice towards extremely poor, and mostly ethnic (I'll admit!), people who keep having baby after baby and getting more and more money from the government for it. And this is me being VERY honest (and hoping ya'll won't think I'm a racist): Perhaps all these years of hearing come-ons yelled from the open windows of local men of Mexican descent has made me slightly prejudged towards that particular group as well. I'd like to think I am just being careful when I take my pit bull if I'm walking two blocks East of here, and as I try not to look too long at the groups of mostly Mexican men sitting on their porches eyeing me.. I know I should not label them, and I know if I do, it's out of fear. Fear from the perceived notions I have due to actions or words said/done to me in the past. But also, I'm not stupid. I know when people are flashing gang signs. They could all be the color of smurf blue and I would be just as leery of walking alone after dark with the behavior I've seen. Plus, I know when I'm being looked at like a piece of ass. Of course it's not just that particular ethnic group that looks at me like that, but I've had experiences in this neighborhood that cause me to be leery of "them". I'm willing to admit I'm far from perfect, but I am not blind to my prejudice and I'm not tolerant of my own ignorance either. If there is an unkind attitude in me toward any group that doesn't deserve it (we'll leave out people that call themselves Christians that do things like picket abortion clinics or kill abortion doctors... kill sex offenders after looking at the sex offender website.. extremists like that I have every right to be righteously angry with because they give a very distorted view of the God that I love), well, I pray that God will help me change it.
Honestly, I am finding that I am beginning to absolutely love people that are different from me. I can't get enough of other people's stories. It was so wonderful working in the counseling center and getting to be a contact person for the campus' international students. Melissa before maybe age 19 wouldn't have cared at all, because as far as I was concerned, there's not enough room in the US for Americans, much less immigrants, thanks to that belief being practically beaten into me by my dad and *especially* my grandfather. Whoa, hilariously, something on immigration just came on Fox News, which I am forced to hear often due to my dad being half-deaf and listening to it in the next room all day. Anyway, now I want to make sure whatever school I go to has a good number of international students, and if I ever do choose to go into college counseling (rather than teaching Psychology at school), I would want to be an international student counselor or advocate. At work, I found myself paging through the Latino magazine Arturo would bring in, and reading newsletters about the Muslim organization on campus.. things I never would have done until the past year or two. I am just glad to finally see some positive change in my life and my heart. It reaffirms that God is still working and God can put people in my/others paths that have the ability to change my heart and my attitudes.
Ok, seriously, I'm done ranting now. I just have to have somewhere to vent and such. Xoxo to anyone reading!
posted by Oblivion.. at 6:48 PM
1 Comments:
sorry about the long overdue response. i've been out of touch with this blog lately.
i was talking to a dear friend of mine about something similar and she said this one thing:
"well i think there is a definite difference between liking and loving...loving is hard, but we are supposed to do it. liking, not so much."
i feel this proves true on many levels. perhaps others are so focused on just accepting ("liking") that love is ignored. i myself faulter in this every day. all you can do is to try your best and know that your intentions mean well.
don't ever stop being "so passionate." :)
-k
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