Thursday, April 13, 2006

sigh.

Ugh. Why did I bother to talk to my rents about homosexuality? :( I shouldn't have bothered, really. I tried to explain my beliefs by giving them multiple verses in the bible that advocate disgusting sexual behaviors that are now illegal, and saying it's unfair to single out homosexuality as wrong despite all the wrong sexual practices the Bible says are right. I wish that I had been born into a home like Niles', where his mind was able to be open from a young age, and his parents encouraged him to be open and accepting. But that's just not my parents. I guess I thought showing them the facts would help, but they basically said that the Bible trumps ANY other evidence.

Society has changed so much that we cannot and should not live so archaicly as the bible illustrated - especially with their awful sexual mores and stuff back then. We've advanced. Yet views like my parents really make me think it's despite some of the Biblical content. If the bible says it's wrong to be gay (and in a loving, monogamous relationship like many homosexuals I know now) and it's right for a woman to have sex with her husband's brothers until she gets pregnant if she can't get pregnant from her husband (yet she gets stoned to death for cheating on him with anyone else), the bible is COMPLETELY LITERAL with no room for interpreting... then screw Christianity. SCREW it, I would want NO PART OF IT. If that's what God wants, then why would I want God? Thank goodness that's NOT how I think God is.

They don't understand that to want to follow God, I have to look at the
difference in the societies (Bible times and now) and celebrate the progress, not mourn the radical, black and white no grey type of world they lived in back then. If I believe that the new ideal is LOVE, then I have to look at gay relationships as such: Are they loving? Is the couple putting God first (as best they can)? Are they being true to each other and loving the other as themself? Then WONDERFUL. I personally think God would tell them, Good job, you are a reflection of my love. Not, enjoy the hellfire.

I seem angry, I'm sure, but really I'm just sad and hurt that my parents would think that my GROWTH [thanks to God and people like pastor Eastman who have been helping me through my questions] is my being childish and "deceived".

My parents told me I am overthinking things. I am trying to MAKE SENSE OF EVERYTHING.

Well, what the fuck else is faith about? You HAVE to dig deeper. Taking everything literal and black and white gets you out of THINKING with the brain God gave. I can't imagine God wanting us to "stop thinking about all this" because WE ARE NOT ROBOTS. We are not mindless vessels. That kind of thinking is why people are out there blowing up buildings in the name of Allah, blind following.

I think I understand why the world hates Christians. I do believe my parents have good intentions, and they are not HATEFUL people by nature.. but I believe that they are of the "Don't think about things, just take everything as it was written" coin that eliminates the need for logic, knowledge, information.. all that stuff that being a human is about.

Anyway, that's all I have to say. Just a deep, profound longing to explain to my parents, who are supposed to want the best for me, that what is best is thinking through my faith rather than accepting it blindly.

Friday, April 07, 2006

beautiful song

I didn’t come this far for you to make this hard for me
And now you want to ask me 'how'?
It’s like - how does your heart beat, and why do you breathe?
How does your heart beat, and why do you breathe?
Why did you come here?
You weren’t invited
You were on the outside -
stay on the outside.
and now you want to ask me 'why'?
It’s like - why does your heart beat, and how do you cry?
How does your heart beat?
And there are some things that I’d like to figure out
There are some things that I can do without -
Like you, and your letters that go on forever,
and you, and the people that were never friends.
with all the things that you could be,
You never could learn how to be me
and now you want to ask me 'how'?
It’s like - how does your heart beat, and why do you breathe?
How does your heart beat, and why do you breathe?