Thursday post
Improvements... today is better than yesterday. Mom is talking to me again reluctantly which is better than nothing [she came into my room this AM before work while I was sleeping and gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me she loves me.. that's actually her way of saying I'm sorry, because I don't think I've ever heard her really apologize to me before].
My friend is still cold shouldering me on the MySpace and hasn't written back to my message asking her wtf was going on. Whatever it is I'm sure she's got her own drama going on and it's probably best I don't stick my neck out if she's looking for someone to use as a punching bag. I'm bruised enough as it is, so screw that.
I'm so past thinking that any women are rational. I don't have many chick friends and this is precisely why. They're moody and generally rather often psycho. If I am mad at you, you'll know it. I think that's called respect. When you respect someone and their friendship, you have enough balls to tell them when there is an issue and you hash it out. Maybe I'm just naive but I thought that was supposed to be a key thing in friendship - honesty. Whatev. The chick that proves to me that not all chicks are insane: Sarah. Her bullshit tolerance is as low as mine and I love that.
My other friend who lectured me on my liberalism wrote me back and said she's sorry for getting on my back and she feels very out of touch with me, and she just misses our close friendship. ::shrug:: I felt like her and I losing touch was a logical progression. She moved away, she had a kid; we're in two different places in life. When we do chat, we enjoy the conversations and i don't think either one of us feels that we'll have another one in days or even weeks. We catch up with each other every so often, and honestly, that is okay with me. We're both different than we were as kids, and understandable distance has crept in. I'm all right with that, I think.
Today I realized after much fantasizing in class, that I have a crush on the boy who sits near me in math. I got his e-mail address and am figuring after classes are over I may even have the balls to email him and admit my ridiculous crush. He's 24, used to be military (what is it with me and military guys? soo hot), is all into anime and sci fi and stuff like that (which thanks to Niles, I actually find quite endearing now), and has a great sense of humor. He'd probably admit to being nerdy, but apparently I <3>
This friend from church [who I thought was gay til he talked about his exgf the other week, hah] left me a message on MySpace telling me he missed me on Wednesday night when I ditched Starbucks night. Sometimes I feel like I don't matter at all to anyone [I know, I'm so emo, right? *kicks self*] and that I'm just kinda *there*, but for him to tell me they all missed me and people were asking where I was.. it felt really good. I guess I am not invisible. I needed that encouragement.
Tomorrow is a Math Day. My teacher started in on imaginary numbers today and made me want to throw myself off a cliff, so I figure I better work my ass off tomorrow to try to get this stuff. I'm sure imaginary numbers will be of utmost importance in my day to day life.. ::eyeroll:: I intend to make cookies and reward myself for finishing my homework with watching the Veronica Mars episode I DL'd. Yay me.
In other news, I am in love with OK Go. Thanks to CJ's recommendations, I have been listening to the song "Return" almost all day. Score. To add more randomness: Thanks to the ever awesome Niles, I spent the last 2.5 hours or so watching "Dead Like Me" and am totally in love with the show. It's hilarious, sarcastic, random, and it doesn't take itself too seriously, despite the fact it's about grim reapers. Again, score.
I'm so lame, I'm making myself sleepy with the content of my journal - Laters!
My friend is still cold shouldering me on the MySpace and hasn't written back to my message asking her wtf was going on. Whatever it is I'm sure she's got her own drama going on and it's probably best I don't stick my neck out if she's looking for someone to use as a punching bag. I'm bruised enough as it is, so screw that.
I'm so past thinking that any women are rational. I don't have many chick friends and this is precisely why. They're moody and generally rather often psycho. If I am mad at you, you'll know it. I think that's called respect. When you respect someone and their friendship, you have enough balls to tell them when there is an issue and you hash it out. Maybe I'm just naive but I thought that was supposed to be a key thing in friendship - honesty. Whatev. The chick that proves to me that not all chicks are insane: Sarah. Her bullshit tolerance is as low as mine and I love that.
My other friend who lectured me on my liberalism wrote me back and said she's sorry for getting on my back and she feels very out of touch with me, and she just misses our close friendship. ::shrug:: I felt like her and I losing touch was a logical progression. She moved away, she had a kid; we're in two different places in life. When we do chat, we enjoy the conversations and i don't think either one of us feels that we'll have another one in days or even weeks. We catch up with each other every so often, and honestly, that is okay with me. We're both different than we were as kids, and understandable distance has crept in. I'm all right with that, I think.
Today I realized after much fantasizing in class, that I have a crush on the boy who sits near me in math. I got his e-mail address and am figuring after classes are over I may even have the balls to email him and admit my ridiculous crush. He's 24, used to be military (what is it with me and military guys? soo hot), is all into anime and sci fi and stuff like that (which thanks to Niles, I actually find quite endearing now), and has a great sense of humor. He'd probably admit to being nerdy, but apparently I <3>
This friend from church [who I thought was gay til he talked about his exgf the other week, hah] left me a message on MySpace telling me he missed me on Wednesday night when I ditched Starbucks night. Sometimes I feel like I don't matter at all to anyone [I know, I'm so emo, right? *kicks self*] and that I'm just kinda *there*, but for him to tell me they all missed me and people were asking where I was.. it felt really good. I guess I am not invisible. I needed that encouragement.
Tomorrow is a Math Day. My teacher started in on imaginary numbers today and made me want to throw myself off a cliff, so I figure I better work my ass off tomorrow to try to get this stuff. I'm sure imaginary numbers will be of utmost importance in my day to day life.. ::eyeroll:: I intend to make cookies and reward myself for finishing my homework with watching the Veronica Mars episode I DL'd. Yay me.
In other news, I am in love with OK Go. Thanks to CJ's recommendations, I have been listening to the song "Return" almost all day. Score. To add more randomness: Thanks to the ever awesome Niles, I spent the last 2.5 hours or so watching "Dead Like Me" and am totally in love with the show. It's hilarious, sarcastic, random, and it doesn't take itself too seriously, despite the fact it's about grim reapers. Again, score.
I'm so lame, I'm making myself sleepy with the content of my journal - Laters!
posted by Oblivion.. at 10:59 PM
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