Wow!

So, I have this poet friend named Chris. We have been talking online since I was 13. I can't even remember how old he is, I think ten or so years older than me, but he's been kind of a role model for me. Anyway, he wrote a poem about me when I was fifteen years old. Based (loosely) on events in my own life. It was one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me, and he just got it accepted to an online poetry site as their featured poem of the month. I just wanted to post it:) I still can't believe how much his writing this means to me!


For Melissa

Becky was in a ditch by the 60 east,
Bleeding out her 16 years, missing her family and her friends,
Surrounded by angels taking her places that devils like me can only dream of.
Taking flight the only way that a young soul can,
Meanwhile Jesus taps me on the shoulder,
Reminding me what’s really important and that He is still in control.

Marco took his life last week,
He was strung up on display in the garage,
The cops declared it a crime scene,
And asked his mother to step to the side as she choked on her tears,
After watching her son hanging lifelessly from the rafters.
Self destruction, self hatred,
Exploding into desperation,
The worst chemical reaction I have ever had to see,
A young boy fresh and 16,
Hanging from those ghastly rafters,
His father sitting bewildered on the front steps,
As the cops ask him if he ever noticed that anything was wrong.

So it is a bit darker tonight than usual in southern California,
Angels have turned down their headlights in respect for the dead,
As Melissa sits on the hotel floor,
Feeling life crush her young body to the emotional brink of destruction,
I try to figure it all out and say stupid clichés over the phone to her,
Feeling helpless as I listen to her cry.
I want to take over all of her rage,
Destroy everything on the Earth while screaming “why”,
But then Jesus taps me on the shoulder,
And reminds me to turn my rage into peaceful prayer and thoughts,
That He is in control.
Soon her sobs turn to soft breathing, and I hang up the phone,
Knowing that she is safe and asleep in Peoria.

July huh?

So, I have not posted in this thing since July. Ooops. Thanks to MySpace for taking me away from all my other blogs (there are quite a few).

So.. what I've been up to.. my first semester at North Park in Chicago. My favorite course was International Politics even though it was the only B I got, thanks to a bad midterm grade; least favorite by far was Intro to Bible, which my prof taught as if it were grad school level, total BS. All in all, I ended up with a 3.75 GPA out of 4, impressive even to me. I wasn't expecting much about a 3.0. Thinking back, I could have gotten an almost perfect GPA if I'd tried a little harder and did less sleep and internet-surfing and probably less ditching class. Alas, 3.75 will do.

I really love my school. It took a few months to really settle in, but the structure and routine has been very healthy for me. Hitting the gym almost every day there too so I'm seeing a positive change in myself that way too. I've let go of a few "toxic" relationships, as one of my friends referred to them as, but am still holding on to one of them. Being honest with myself, I am not ready to walk away, even though he's made it clear what he wants from me (...wishing I had the courage or will to not give it to him). Just had an almost-relationship with a guy named John from Texas, but over Christmas break that all went to hell for many reasons. I'm still dusting myself off from that one, and am not "in the market" for a relationship at this point. I can hurt myself enough without looking for a guy to assist in the process, yknow?

So, I moved most of my stuff to the dorm today. I moved down the hall because my roomie Jen is going to Mexico for a semester to study, so I moved in with Djougine (Ju). I officially go back to school Tuesday, but will end up going sometime Monday to unpack more clothes. I'm going to try to get more settled in at school and stop going home so frequently. I was a definite hermit last semester while I went through the whole transition, but am planning on behaving differently this semester. I have less things making me want to spend time at home - some difficult family situations going on, and friends at "home" becoming more distant, too.

Got a new job... working weekends as a receptionist at a small real estate company in Lake in the Hills - quite far north, in McHenry county. It is enough to make my car payment and pay for gas and a movie here and there, and it's all I can manage with my crazy school schedule. Next semester holds - sociology, spanish 2, statistics (aaaah!) and a specialized NPU course that is mostly Literature. I think I will have more than enough to keep me busy.

K, that's all. Goodnight.